


Complicated

by ReyDoneGoofed



Category: Deadpool (2016), Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Actually observant wade, Angst, Deadpool tortures someone, Dubious Consent, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Friends, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Smut, Everyone Needs A Hug, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, I only tagged dubious consent because peter is technically underage, M/M, Minor Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Morally Ambiguous Character, Non oblivious wade, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Slow Burn, Smart Wade Wilson, Superfamily, Superfamily (Marvel), Underage - Freeform, Wade Wilson Needs A Hug, its brief
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-02
Updated: 2018-05-20
Packaged: 2019-01-08 08:11:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12250446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReyDoneGoofed/pseuds/ReyDoneGoofed
Summary: Peter sighed in exasperated desperation as he heavily attempted to convince the man standing before him. "He's not that bad of a guy! He hasn't once hurt somebody or killed someone this entire time! He's been following orders too! Please, Don’t kick him out." The boy put his hands together not unlike a prayer. He hoped his posture showed just how much he really wanted him to stay.[Edit: heyo so the first four chapters are absolute hogwash so please be gentle with that. I promise you the next chapters will be better, I've been in a creative writing class so yeah...]---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------[Just a side note to clear things up even though this won't apply until much later. Peter is 16 in this and wade is 21. ("In New York State, a person who is under age 16 but older than 13 years old can consent to sex with a person who is no more than 4 years older; the crime of the 3rd degree rape only happens when a person over the age of 21 has sex with a person who is under seventeen years old or younger") So yes they are off by a year but it's on a "technicality" so that arguments can be made.]





	1. Can He Stay?

**Author's Note:**

> The first two chapters sadly harbor many obvious errors, I will do my absolute best from the third chapter onward to take more time revising and editing and less time (if any) procrastinating. Thank you! Comments and kudos give me life!
> 
> Here is my Tumblr for any updates on this work! [Tumblr](https://mikale579.tumblr.com/)

Peter sighed in exasperated desperation as he heavily attempted to convince the man standing before him. "He's not that bad of a guy! He hasn't once hurt somebody or killed someone this entire time! He's been following orders too! Please, Don’t kick him out." The boy put his hands together not unlike a prayer. He hoped his posture showed just how much he really wanted him to stay.

"Lemme think about it....” The older male tapped at his chin before harshly delivering his response. “how about... hmm no.” Peter huffed childishly looking offended trying to guilt the man into agreeing. The man in question glared rolling his eyes at the teen in front of him. 

“He's loud, annoying, dirty, violent, and probably diseased to top it all off. He can't stay peter." The older man listed each description with the use of his fingers. Peter sighed. “... I won't study as much tonight… I-I’ll um, oh! I'll help out down in R&D for the next Stark Phone! Oh oh! I'll even help you down in the lab more often! Just Pleeeeeaaaaase.”

Peter saw that the other's expression was showing signs of cracking in his harsh disapproval. Peter needed to pull out his ultimate weapon…. “No. Peter no. Don't you dare.” Peter deflated and looked up at the other as he widened his eyes and puffed out his lip causing it to quiver. The older male threw his arms into the air letting them crash back down to his sides in an exhausted manner. 

He began to rub his temples. "Fine, you can keep the damn mutt but don't let it on the couch. you take it on walks, you give it baths, you feed it, and you better train it." Peter pumped a fist into the air in triumph and ran towards the annoyed man, promptly wrapped his arms around him in a tight hug.

"Thank you thank you thank you! I promise I'll take really good care of him! Oh, and dad, can I stay over Ned’s house tomorrow? he, Michelle, and I are gonna have a study session." Before the other could react the buff blonde of the tower spoke up from his seat on the couch. “Tony let the kid have fun with his friends.” The man who Peter was hugging sighed. 

“Fine but promise me to actually do something fun doesn't study the entire time it's not like you really need to. You're the only one that finds studying as fun.” Peter jumps in excitement after pulling away from the cranky billionaire, causing the dog at his feet to start wagging its tail. Tony shook his head mumbling how he needed a drink. 

Peter sat down to pet the large brown and black furred animal. “ so… when did you start calling my dad by his first name?” Peter asked, looking briefly up at the man. “you usually just go ‘Stark, I need to talk to you.’ or ‘Stark, get over here’” Peter mimics in a falsely deep voice that was nowhere near realistic.

“Well, I don't know... why? isn't this a good thing?” The other voices, avoiding eye contact in favor for staring at the dog. “Mr. Rogers do you like my dad?” The other man had been too distracted to tell Peter to call him Steve, paused to sputter out his confusion and swarm of denial.

“W- I uh what?” Steve stuttered and Peter shrugged. “all you two used to do was argue and now you don't. So obviously you both like each other. Well, enough to be friends now right?” Steve visibly relaxed at that, his confusion subsiding and tension draining from his form. Who knew that Captain America gets nervous? 

“Oh, that's… nevermind.” He bent down to pet the dog having walked over during the talk with Tony. “Yeah, Peter. Tony and I are friends now.” Peter nodded. He wasn't entirely blind to what's going on. He certainly wasn't that naïve, or was it that Mr. Rogers and his dad were just that obvious? 

Peter knew there was more going on between them than just ‘friendship’. But he was sure they would tell each other their feelings soon. It would be interesting to see the relationship. Sensing the new tension radiating off of Steve Peter tried to bring up a distraction.“Jarvis, what breed is he?” the teen brought out his phone to snap a quick picture of the animal lying in front of him.

“The dog is a Husky-Shepherd mix, also known as a Siberian Shepherd, and a Gerbian Hepsy. He should be taken on walks twice a day to keep him healthy and not too restless from being kept in such a closed space.” Jarvis took a small pause before continuing. “I'm afraid sir is currently threatening to keep the dog in a kennel if it wanders throughout the tower,” Jarvis replied. 

Steve and Peter shared looks silently communicating how badly Tony would react if the dog got onto one of the business floors, especially the R&D department. “I can take him on my morning run and you could take him after school?” The captain suggested and Peter nodded in reply. “what should I name you?” the teen wondered aloud. 

The dog whacked its tail on the ground and Peter shook his head smiling as he pets the dog. Steve stood and strode away waving a goodbye to the younger man. “C’mon boy. Follow me.” Peter stood up and clapped a hand against his thigh. The dog jumped up and began to prance after the teen, towards his bedroom. 

“Stay in here I'll go get you some food… Jarvis tell dad that I'm going out Okay? I'm gonna walk to the store and get our dog some food, and brainstorm some names.” Peter laughed to himself. “Of course Peter. Sir has been notified, he says to not forget your phone.” Peter nodded patting his pocket. “got it. Thanks, J!” The 16-year-old walked quickly to the elevator, Jarvis bringing him down to the lobby.


	2. Murder’s a shady business.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint is worth much more than five thousand dollars. 
> 
> Important Authors note!!!!!! THIS CHAPTER IS REPOSTED AND FIXED, WHAT YOU SAW BEFORE WAS ONLY A VERY SMALL PORTION OF THIS CHAPTER, SO SORRY.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the chapter before, I had emojis in the texting scene but apparently, archive deletes everything after the emojis. They were the money face, heart eyes, and the winky kiss face ones in Wade's first text message. 
> 
>  
> 
> [White box]   
> {Yellow box}

A man wearing a spandex suit walked briskly through the alleyways, searching for his target. Not a moment later the man abruptly stopped, he saw him, the target. A couple was walking out of a restaurant, jovial expressions clear on their faces. Their arms were linked. The spandex covered aggressor watched them tentatively, waiting for an opportune moment.

He raised his weapon, aiming. He took note of the wind and light traffic. The area wasn't very nice but the spandex clothed man had to do this executioner style, no cover up required. He would put this dog to sleep. He took a deep breath steadying his hand: He pulled the trigger. A loud bang shot through the air, and the man dropped. The woman screamed watching her partner's blood slowly pool on the ground around him; oozing out from the hole in his head. 

The assassin holstered his gun and took out a cracked, heavily damaged phone from one of his many pouches. The mercenary quickly snapped a picture and turned away beginning to walk calmly away from the crime scene, Humming and muttering: "All the single ladies, put your hands up."  
\---  
8:27Pm   
To wonderdick:   
\- attached image sent -  
It's done wonderfuck. Wire the rest of the money now. Pretty please with a sexy cherry in lingerie on top. Wouldnt want that precious cock of yours to somehow find its way into a smoothie and forced down one of your lackey's throats! XOXO  
\---  
8:31Pm  
From Weasel:  
Got something for you. It was a special request  
\---  
The killer typed back to his contact, an excited affirmative as he walked through the back alley. The hummed to himself, not even trying to be inconspicuous. As deadly as the man was, he didn't need to hide, he could fight or even talk his way out of most if not all situations. 

Deadpool pocketed his phone as he walked onto a street crossing quickly not paying heed to the cars speeding down. The man couldn't die anyway, so why would it matter? Most wouldn't care, and most don't. The man sighed breathing in the polluted air and looked up at the smog-filled sky; No stars were in sight. The city was such a beautiful disaster, constantly overrun by the next terror, whether it be Mutants, Vigilantes, Aliens, Gods, or even just the wrong people with the right tech. 

The city that never sleeps lived up to its name, which was good for the mercenary. It meant there was always work for him; always a demented soulless bastard just waiting to get what's coming to them, or some innocent civvie that just happened to be caught at the wrong place at the wrong time. 

Deadpool ignored the stares from the many paranoid crack addicts poking their heads out of their respective alleyways. it didn't faze him, they couldn't see what was underneath, and if they could... well, nobody would miss them. The spandex didn't do much for the cold new york air but the mercenary could deal with it, it didn't matter to him, not much did. 

The Killer for hire practically skipped halfway across the city, finding that little rundown building with a very helpful description: Sister Margaret's school for wayward girls. He made his way inside the coverup of a compound for mercenaries to find work. "Weasel buddy I need a blowjob: hard and dirty." The red-clad man smirked through his mask, somehow further animating his expressions. 

The barkeep groaned in turmoil exasperation as he rolled his eyes and grumpily slammed a shot glass onto the bar, glaring at Deadpool. "Why do you do this every single fucking time dude, it's not cool!" The miffed owner of the bar, Weasel, poured multiple liquids into the glass before topping it with whipped cream. "I give to you... a blowjob. You're a fucking asshole, Wilson. your special request is over there in the corner."

Deadpool turned and saw a shady looking man in a pullover watching the exits and drumming his fingers obnoxiously. The merc walked over after handing the blowjob off to a waitress requesting it be taken to another to stir up a little trouble. He sat down in front of the paranoia interpretation of a person, Their eyes snapping up to him, tension exuding off of his frame.

"Heard you wanted to talk to me. what's up, buttercup?" Deadpool asked as he crossed his legs throwing an arm over the chair next to him as if there was someone there. "I need you to kill someone." The man's voice was shaky. "Yeah, that's usually the gig buddo. who? and for how much?" Wade snorted at the others uncomfortable aura. 

"I need you to get into Avengers tower and kill Clint Barton." Wade began to laugh at that. "I'll give you all I have please, Five thousand dollars." Wade now began to full on cackle, so much that he actually fell out of his chair. "You- you- haaaaaaa- you want to give me five thousand buckaroos to kill Hawkeye! you've never done this, have you? A sad thing for you, I'm trying to get back on their good side so they stop being pains in my ass. Fuck, even if I wasn't, no way in hell I'd do it for only five thousand, that's the money i'd take to shoot a dog in its tail. Sorry buddy but that's a no-go, and so are you." 

[Ohh dramatic, I like it! hey! we're actually here now!]   
{yes, it seems the word count is finally catching up enough.}   
[Oooh I wonder what the resident fuck up is gonna do next... yeesh this guy really didn't know what was coming for him did he? I almost feel bad for the sucker... Almost]  
{Weren't we on a murder break? or has that not happened yet? ah oh well.}   
[Shh I'm trying to watch grossness fuck up this guys life!]  
White box sighed and refrained from continuing his words.


	3. But why? Oh, that's why.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The teen opened his door and walked out, he felt as if his skin was buzzing, the thought of bees curiously made its way into Peter's brain. The source of the buzzing was from what Peter had initially assumed, was the slight adrenaline boost that came from going against the words of his father. Peter had never done something like this before,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for another late chapter I will most definitely attempt to make sure chapters are posted sooner!

Peter sighed, feeling immensely bored. He stepped out of the elevator, leisurely walking through the small, short hall on the top floor of the tower. He then paused at what he saw: All in all, the sight wasn't anything new, his dad looked stressed, which was sadly a normal occurrence, but Clint and Natasha were there. This, to Peter, was an extreme oddity. Knowing of course, that the two spies almost never came up to this floor.

The only time Peter could remember his two pseudo-family members being on this floor, was when he first came to stay with everyone in the tower. This fact was furthering his concern the closer he got to the three adults. 

“Bring him to shield for interrogation. Then, get to the tower. No, this is not a free invitation: it's one time only. Just- get over here. Quickly.” Tony aggressively pressed a button on his Stark Phone and ran a hand through his hair. “I swear to god I'm gonna break his fucking annoying ass.” Natasha snorted at that. 

“Kid alert.” Peter heard Clint mutter before smiling. “Sup Pete.” Peter pouted inwardly knowing that they'll pretend as if nothing is wrong. “What's going on?” The teen questioned, looking between the three, who were sharing looks. “Nothing, don't worry about it,” Tony stated plainly. Natasha rolled her eyes slightly at the man's words. 'Peter isn't that dumb, Tony.' The Russian thought, keeping her expression muted.

“Hawkeye here is an idiot. Nothing new.” The redhead held the tiniest hint of fondness in her words; a type of brash subtlety that only she could pull off. Peter could read between the lines: Clint is in some sort of trouble. Natasha knew that Peter would figure this out, she was only leaving out information for Tony's sake, (and Peters own.) With that guy involved, nobody wants the teen to get caught up in the familiar red-clad mercenary's insane drama.

Before Peter could ask or say anything else, Tony stepped away from the shield-agents-turned-avengers and took a step towards the youngest male. “It’s getting late: you should go to your room and try to get some sleep. You have school tomorrow.” 

“Okay, now I know something's up. You always encourage bad behavior and going to sleep early is not bad behavior.” Peter said this in a mockingly lecturing tone causing Stark to shake his head. “Sorry kiddo, but not today. Today you are going to your room and not leaving until it's time to go to school. I'm having Jarvis watch you, so if you even think about leaving, he will alert me.” 

The resident teenager groaned in annoyance for not being trusted enough. Peter knew his dad just wanted to protect him from the dangers of the world, but he was far stronger than what most people gave him credit for. Peter could handle this. The teen grumbled as he walked back to his room, almost forgetting about the bag he was holding. When the boy opened the door, the large dog he had left, jumped and tackled Peter to the floor. Peter had fallen with an “Oof!”

The dog began licking over Peter's face, supposed the dog must have missed him in those twenty minutes that he had been trekking to the store to purchase some food for the large animal. It had then occurred to Peter that in the slight argument with his father, he had forgotten to get a couple bowls for the dog to drink and eat from. 

"Jarvis, will you ask dad if I can leave so I can get two bowls for the dog?" Peter asked standing up off of the ground after guiding the dog off of him. "Sir's order was to alert him if you attempted to leave your room at any time, as you are not allowed to do so. Sir will not allow you to exit the room." The AI gave the billionaire's son no leeway to escape out of the room. 

Peter needed ideas, so he did the only thing he knew; He turned to the internet for advice. Now, he knew he couldn't exactly type in: "How to sneak out of your room under the watch of an omnipotent ai created by your overly protective genius billionaire father." so instead he went with: "How to sneak out without tripping a home security device." The results weren't promising. 

As the teen searched, his phone suddenly shuts off. "It would be ill-advised to attempt to disarm me, as sir has installed multiple security measures to keep you safe, young sir. It is also insulting that you would put me to such a low standard as a meek home security device." The AI prattled off. 

Peter sighed and decided it didn't matter, his dad had always encouraged him to have fun and not to try to be perfect all the time, and to break some rules. He stood up and opened the door. "Tell dad I'm only going to grab something from the kitchen and then I'll be back." The AI gave Peter no response.

The teen opened his door and walked out, he felt as if his skin was buzzing, the thought of bees curiously made its way into Peter's brain. The source of the buzzing was from what Peter had initially assumed, was the slight adrenaline boost that came from going against the words of his father. Peter had never done something like this before, It was interesting to him. 

He quickly made his way over to the large kitchen and went in search for some large bowls. It had only taken him about two minutes before he fortuitously, found the perfect size for the dog. Peter grabbed them both and walked back to his room. When the teen arrived, he paused, a slight panic overtaking his form; He had forgotten to close the door behind him, and the dog hadn't stayed put. "Crap." The teen genius oh so eloquently declared. 

Peter quickly placed the bowls on the floor of his bedroom. "Jarvis, where is he?" Peter went over every accessible room that the dog could get into, in his head. "I'm afraid the dog has roamed towards the living room," Jarvis stated sounding as relaxed as one could in such a situation as this. 

Peter cautiously made his way towards the living room hearing an unfamiliar voice. "Jarvis, who's here? How did I not see them come through, I wasn't in my room that long, was I?" The teen asked into the air. "You were researching on ways to sneak out for seven minutes and eighty-three seconds before sir checked in, and requested I revoke your internet connections, and shut off your device for the time being." Peter blinked quietly processing the information, as well as attempting to decipher who was here. The teen walked closer, listening in on the conversation. 

"Hey, boy, who's a good boy? you are! Such a good boy, yes you are!" An unfamiliar voice spoke in a babying tone. "Pool, get it over with. I want you out as soon as you're done, what happened." The last portion wasn't much of a question, but to peter, it was obvious that the one speaking was Tony.


	4. Don't test the merc.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ah, the man's lacrimal sac of the eye is draining into and out of the nasolacrimal duct.
> 
> Warning for short semi-detailed torture scene.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't been feeling too great about my writing recently so this chapter took way longer than it should have but here it is!  
> Comments are appreciated!

"I need you to get into Avengers tower and kill Clint Barton." Wade began to laugh at that. "I'll give you all I have please, Five thousand dollars." Wade now began to full on cackle, so much that he actually fell out of his chair. "You- you- haaaaaaa- you want to give me five thousand buckaroos to kill Hawkeye! you've never done this, have you? A sad thing for you, I'm trying to get back on their good side so they stop being pains in my ass. Fuck, even if I wasn't, no way in hell I'd do it for only five thousand, that's the money I'd take to shoot a dog in its tail. Sorry buddy but that's a no-go, and so are you." Wade stood up and grabbed the man by his shirt dragging him over the table roughly. The man quivered, his eyes widening. 

{Ah, the man's lacrimal sac of the eye is draining into and out of the nasolacrimal duct...} Wade rolls his eyes at white box. "Ya know, none of the readers are gonna understand that medicky bullfuck." He pushes straight through the small crowd of other mercenaries.

To Wade's surprise, Yellow didn't give his own response, perhaps he was too enthralled in watching Wade waving to Weasel and walking leisurely out of the bar, the other individual attempting his best to keep up and struggle simultaneously. 

The red mercenary proceeded to throw the quivering man onto the putrid smelling and copper stained alley floor. Wilson took out his freshly cleaned Desert Eagle .50 caliber pistol and waved it around animatedly as he also brought out his cracked to hell phone. 

One ring, Two rings, Three... "Wilson this better be good or I will tell Fury where your current hideout is and don't think I'm bluffing either I know exactly where you've been staying."

Wade stopped pacing and gasped shoving the hand that held his gun into his chest, mimicking the acting from a bad early 2000's soap opera. "You wound me Mr. grouchy metal bucket!" Wade steeled his voice and pointed the gun back at the trembling man. 

"Don't hang up this is actually important and not the: 'I just dropped my chimichanga off a seventeen-story building' important, more like the 'Someone just tried to put a hit on one of the Avengers' kinda important."

The other took a short pause before replying. "Who's putting a hit out?" 

"Don't ya wanna know who they wanted to unalive and how little they were gonna give for it?" Deadpool teased the information in a lilting voice grinning at the cowering man. 

"Deadpool." The other's voice was strained, you could practically  
hear him pinching the bridge of his nose in irritation.

"Ironman." The Merc snickered annoyingly. 

An audible sigh rang through the phone. "I don't have time for this right now. fine, whatever who?" Wade jumped slightly pumping a hand into the crisp night air. 

"This dude wanted me to kill Hawkeye! Hawkeye! And only for like a few thousand." Wade laughed loudly, receiving a multitude of yells saying: "shut up."

{Like? Really? What are you, Fifteen?}

"Oh stuff it..." Wade chastised.

Tony answered, his voice holstering an exhausted forefront. "Seriously? Who did this idiot piss off now? Jay, call Romanov and Barton up here."

"Yeah, I thought I'd score a couple good noodle points by declining the offer and calling you up... So, did it work?" The hopeful tone in Wade's voice betrayed his normal 'I don't give a shit' attitude.

"Yeah, sure whatever. I've got Widow and Barton here with me so just bring him to shield for interrogation. Then, get to the tower." The mercenary ignored the plain, dismissive, and lacking tone, in favor for the small amount of excitement that boiled within his form.

"Oooooh! I get to come to the tower now!" The Merc with a mouth bounced on his heels slightly. "Score!"

"No, this is not a free invitation: it's one time only. Just- get over here. Quickly.”

"You got it, dude." Wade chuckled at his own joke, He quickly hung up the call before deciding last minute to take a clear picture of the poor guy in front of him. Wade, shoving his phone back into whichever pouch it came out of, looked pointedly at the still quailing man. "But before I take you all the way to shield I think I'll get some information for myself."

[Everyone, grab your buckets of popcorn! it's time for a show!]   
{I disagree, I imagine this will be less fulfilling than you presume it be.}

“Why do you want Clint Barton dead? What bad did he do that outweighs any good that he's done, huh?” The autumn air clung to the two men like a child to its mother. “I… go-go, fuck yourself.” The man’s voice resembled an earthquake as he shuddered and shook, feigning as much confidence as his dwindling willpower would permit. 

“Ah-ah-ah. Wrong answer sweetums." Red and black boots swung gracefully through the air slamming viciously into the other's chest. “Why’d you place the hit?” The man shook his head once more and Deadpool, impatient as ever, grabbed the smaller males sunkissed finger to bend it horrifically backward. A sickening crunch, and the knuckle pressed against the back of his hand.

A pained wail reverberated throughout the darkened city streets, conspicuously followed by obstreperously threatening words. “Why'd you place the fucking hit?” Wade demanded as he released the mangled finger. 

Heart-wrenching cries maintained their ominous echo. If Wade were a better person he'd have let a salty blink of liquid flow off from his face. But he's not. Wade began twisting another finger, “He let them take my son. They took my son! My boy, my only son, he's gone… And now they have him somewhere!” 

“Who? Shield? X? C'mon man you've gotta be specific here.” Wilson investigated, having let go of the broken father's, less broken hand. The other man shook his head. "They had jackets with this skull and tentacles." 

“Hydra" He spat the word out disgustedly. “See, now we got somewhere. Get up, I'm taking you to shield, where you can tell them all this shit and find your son or whatever people do.” 

Wade hoisted the man up over his shoulder after using his hoodie to blindfold him. It took him all of twenty minutes, mindlessly singing what's new pussycat, to get to Shield HQ, and drop off the pathetic and weeping man. 

{Don't forget to go to stark tower, or is it Avengers tower now?}   
[So we can snoop around and swipe some stuff!]   
{No!... well yes but also no.}  
[Pshhhh.]

Wade made quick work of the pavement and found his way through multiple shortcuts to the front doors of Avengers tower. “Whaddup bitchy boo.” Deadpool greeted into the open air, walking in, knowing the towers famous AI was listening. “Hello, Mr. Wilson. Please proceed to elevator three.” Wade did exactly that, he stepped into the elevator and requested his favorite elevator-ride song. "Few times I've been around that track, so it's not just gonna happen like that, 'Cause I ain't no Hollaback girl! I ain't no Hollaback girl!" 

As he stepped out of the elevator he, along with his singing that had grown quieter, danced through the hallway, kitchen, and living room, adamantly following Jarvis' directions. 

A large dog excitedly followed him into the living room and Wilson, with the same excitement, ignored Tony in favor of petting the dog.

"Wilson." Starks anger showed through his demanding tone as he crossed his arms over his chest, watching the man-child, who was somehow often referred to as a dangerous mercenary, pet the dog and speak with a babying voice. "Hey, boy, who's a good boy? You are! Such a good boy, yes you are!" Wade ignored the creak from behind him but tarried alert. 

Ironman ran an irritated hand through his hair. "Pool, get it over with. I want you out as soon as you're done, what happened." Natasha sighed knowing this wasn't going to go well, watching the mercenary flip Stark off. 

Instead of addressing the angry billionaire, Wade turned to Clint and began to sign to him. 'This guy wanted to unalive you because his son was kidnapped by Hydra.' Barton's face scrunched slightly and gave his partner a look. "The third wasn't as successful as we thought it was, I guess..." 

"Was trying to give me five thousand to kill a Shield agent, fuck, an Avenger too! like, what? How do you expect me to only take five to unalive Hawkzy?!" Natasha snorted quietly at that, "Someone wanted Clint dead!?" The four, loosely regarded, as adults turned towards the sound of the youthful voice. 

[He's pretty. Oh fuck, he's really pretty.]  
{...}

The younger male's face blanched, realizing his mistake. "What are you doing out of your room!" Tonys' voice melted into the fuzzy background as Wade's attention fully enveloped that lean frame, everything else in his mind fizzed away as he stared.

"And who might you be, beautiful?"


	5. Um... Hi?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wade meets Peter then he meets Spider-Man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the unplanned mini hiatus! I've been going crazy over my assignments. 
> 
> Please leave comments and kudos!

"And who might you be, beautiful?" 

Peter froze feeling dread percolate from his de trop interposition, "Uhh," He ineptly fumbled his words.

"Peter, I told you not to leave your room," Tony eyed the red-clad man, more-than-slightly distressed.

Here standing before Peter was one of the most unpredictable and deadly mercenaries to exist, and he knew it, but he couldn't let the others realize this. 

"Jesus' left ball, You are so adorable," If this were an animated film, the mercenaries eyes would be in hearts, and hunger-drool would be slipping from his chibi styled mouth. "Who is this twinky goodness! Can I keep him?" Wade squealed, his excitement wisping loudly. 

Tony's' face was red with unadulterated rage, "Deadpool. Shut. Up. Peter, get out. Oh, and you're grounded," The mercenary ignored Peters father in favor of fawning over the teen. 

"Aww, you're so small!" Wade squawks.

"I-i'm average height," Peter embarrassingly puffs out his cheeks, quite reminiscent of a baby chipmunk. The mercenary naturally quelled his squeals to jump around the startled teen. 

"What's your sign? I'm an Aquarius, means I'm eccentric," Wade waggled his eyebrows like he was saying some inside joke that only he and Peter understood.  
"Uh, A-Aries?" Peter replied with a confused naivety. 

Wade smirked putting an arm around Peter's shoulders, "Baby boy, are you a tortilla? 'cause I wanna flip you over and eat you out," Wade had leaned over and spoken in a sultry tone.

"That's it, Natasha, take Peter to his room," Tony's anger seeped into his voice without a trace of his normal silver-tongued elegance. 

The Merc-With-A-Mouth pouted until he watched the teen be escorted out, a wolf whistle quick on his lips. 

Clint sighed and shook his head at the whole situation, "Maybe we should bring in Spider-Man? He's good at keeping it clean, and if this guys story is true he could rescue any of the hostages from Hydra without casualties," Peter was already taken out of the room by the time Tony answered.

"Peter, stay away from him okay. He's... bellicose," Natasha stated eloquently, Peter nodded and went into his room. The Russian spy smiled and winked at Peter knowingly, "Especially on your nights out," She closed the door before she could see the wild panicked expression on his face.

Peters phone went off at that moment, an alarm titled with a spider and a clock emoji, he sighed and went into his closet getting out his hidden spandex suit and hastily putting it on.

Twenty minutes into Peter's patrol he finds himself running towards a panicked scream. 

“Help me! Somebody, please!” 

When Peter arrived at the scene, he noticed two armed men attacking a civilian couple. 

“Didn't anyone inform you that new york has superheroes and vigilantes?” He tutted whilst shaking his head. “Why don't you just give the man his bag back, hm?” Spider-Man jumped down off of a fire escape, directly in front of the two criminals. 

“Fuck you!” One of the men brought his baseball bat up to try and hit the web-slinger. 

“Such strong language! C'mon dude, there could be kids nearby,” He quickly dodged jumping out of the way. “You might wanna work on that swing, sorry friend but I just don't see you making the playoffs,” He smirked webbing the guy to a wall. “Now where'd your friend go?”

“Spider-man, watch out!” 

His senses kicked in just in time for the hero to narrowly escape the knife that was aimed at him. 

“Woah! Hey, you gotta follow proper knife safety, or you might hurt somebody, here let me help you!” He webbed the guy's hand that was holding the knife to the wall. “Are you both okay?” He turns towards the two innocents. 

“Thank you so much!” 

“We’ll call the police, you're doing great things man.” 

Peter beamed under the mask, feeling a swell of pride blossom under his skin. 

“Thank you, stay safe!” He quickly waved and ran away. A few hours later, Peter was resting on the roof of an apartment complex. He had half of his mask hoisted up in order to calmly eat a churro. 

“Mnf, whatever that is, it smells a-ma-zing, what? No shut up,” A familiar voice stated loudly, causing Peter to jump.

“Deadpool? What are you doing here?” He quickly pulled his mask all the way down before turning to face the mercenary. 

“He knows who we are! I'm here to visit my second-favorite arachnid,” He nodded matter of factly. 

“Wow, so touching,” Spiderman deadpanned. 

“Sorry baby boy but Black Widow is obviously number one on my list of bangable spiders,” He said proudly. 

“Right, look, Deadpool I'm busy could we reschedule this... thing?” He raised an eyebrow even though the mercenary wouldn't be able to see. 

“Say, Spidey, have we met before?” Peter froze, feeling panic spread throughout his body. 

“What? Psh, no,” Sadly Peter was not as well versed in lying as he would like. 

Deadpool paused before moving forward quickly, “No way! He so does sound like the twinky boy from IronMan's tower!” 

Peter and Spiderman were two very different individuals. The teen had successfully compartmentalized those two sides of him, but in instances like these… One tended to bleed into the other. 

“What was your name? Porter, Panini, Peter!” The Mercenary clapped his hands animatedly, “So are you Iron Man's secret love baby?” 

Peter panicked in this instance and did what could easily be defined as the worst solution: he punched Deadpool. 

“Ah, ffffffuuuuck! C’mon baby boy, what'd I do?” The older male stumbled slightly holding his face through the mask. 

“Oh my god, Deadpool, I'm so sorry, I-I don't know why I did that, are you okay? I'm so sorry, is it broken?” He paced and gestured as he spoke, feeling bad.

“Shit, it hurts. You owe me a feel on that sweet arachnid ass,” He made grabby hands towards Peter as the younger teen rambled out more apologies. 

“What? No!” 

“Aww c’mon Petey-babe” 

“Shhhh! Don't call me that out loud!” He jumped towards Deadpool putting a hand on the man's masked mouth before looking around wildly. Deadpool put up a finger and mumbled something unintelligible.

“What? Oh, oh, sorry,” Peter stepped back sighing. 

“Was I not supposed to know that you're spidey? Hmm, you should try getting a voice modulator!” 

“Look, Deadpool, you can't tell anyone, okay? Nobody can know.”

“Okay,” He shrugged and Peter stepped away. 

“Okay? Just like that?” He stood still awkwardly. 

“On one condition,” Peter deflated at the others words. “You teach me how to be a dull, monotonous, boring good guy, I wanna get on the Avengers’ good sides,” He spoke quickly going off on a tangent about Avengers themed boxers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is my Tumblr for any updates on this work! [Tumblr](https://mikale579.tumblr.com/)


	6. Caught Web Handed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter and Wade get to know each other, a new villain is in town, and Peter accidentally reveals his secret to Tony.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh the same excuses, I'm so sorry. This one is third-person omniscient instead of the usual third-person limited -swap. 
> 
> {Yellow box}  
> [White box]

"-specially made, just for official Avengers, so obviously I need a pair! I already duped Down-Under into giving me the X-Men themed ones, so I just need to get the Avengers pair," Wade ended his rant looking at the webbed teen for approval or disapproval. 

{Probably disapproval}

[The kid might be an idiot though]

{Nobody is that stupid}

Wade shushed the two boxes as Peter began to speak, the teen uncertain about this entire ordeal. 

"Okay, yeah sure I'll do what I can, but for your information, the Avengers don't really like Spiderman." 

"Well, I like Spiderman, it's Wade by the way."

"What? why'd you-"

"Just letting you know what you'll be screaming tonight," The mercenary winked. Peter sighed rubbing his masked face contemplating and listing each thing that could go wrong. 

{See you gave him a headache!}

[We give everyone a headache]

{That's true}

Wade was certain he could endure the agreement with the inexperienced man, his determination resolute. 

"Spiderman! Somebody! Help!" 

The weapon clad mercenary clapped swiftly, grabbing onto Peters' arm and dragging him in the direction of the call for help. 

"C'mon baby boy we gotta rescue New York's damsels!"

The teen sighed for what felt to be the billionth time before going into a sprint towards the scream.

"Try to keep up Deadpool!"

"Nah, I like the view from back here," Wade laughed from under his mask at the blatant trip up in Peters movements. Moments later the two masked males stopped in the mouth of an alley that held a woman dressed in leather.

"Ma'am, are you okay? Are you the one who called for help?" Spiderman asked approaching slowly always cautious when dealing with unknown people.

"Better yet what's with the leather fetishism? Do people still do that?" Wade tilted his head as if this question was the most curious one going through his head. The woman smirked and brought out a whip with a spiked end. "Oooooh~ So into that right now, y'know this one time I let this one person put a cantaloupe-" 

"Deadpool," Peter cut him off before the merc could continue. Peter jumped up a second later feeling his senses go haywire. The woman scowled yanking her whip back.

"You were supposed to come alone, how annoying."

Peter came back down. "Who, me?" His voice almost cracked in his confusion. Peter never had somebody target him before. This situation was never one he explored in his mind. 

[I have a bad feeling about all this]

{First, He takes forever to write this, and now he throws in the obscurest stereotypical villain he can think up? And I thought the chocolate syrup in his coffee was a bad idea... this takes the cake}

"Stay still little bug," She lashes out at him again, Spiderman quickly dodged. Deadpool rolled his eyes taking out his favorite gun, aiming at the blonde Resident Evil Jill Valentine rip off. 

"Give Death my regards, I haven't spoken to her in a while, she's probably pissed," Wade began to squeeze the trigger only to have a quick web rip the gun from his hands. "Hey what gives bubble butt!? I don't know if you know this but usually, when people try to unalive you, you unalive them first," Wade yelled turning towards Peter and ignoring the woman.

"No Deadpool, if I'm gonna help you I'm making this a rule no killing, or-or unaliving or whatever, we web them up, call the police, and leave them to go to jail," Peter lectured as he dodged more attempts by the woman. 

Wade grumbled his disagreement. The mercenary swiftly parkoured his way over a dumpster. He aims a kick to the leather-clad villain. She stumbled back, standing up straight and dropping her whip, she took out two large pistols and dodged peters attempt to get them away from her.

"Can I get my gun back, now?" 

"No!"

Wade and the woman quickly got into a close quarter fight. A few minutes of this ping-pong match of hits, the teen was able to flank the villain. The hero was able to web her to a lamp post. A phone call and five minutes later, Wade and Peter found themselves on the roof of a nearby building.

"That was easy."

"Yeah, too easy, look baby boy, maybe I should go with you on your patrols," Wade felt as if there was something very off about that entire fight, it was like she didn't even try.

"No it's fine, she probably thought she was stronger than she was," Peter shrugged stretching his arms. 

The Merc with a mouth couldn't shake the uneasy feeling that something wasn't right. Just as he was about to argue with the younger male, another cry for help vibrated the still air. 

Several hours later Peter finally persuaded Wade to go home. The teen soon after noticed his fatigued, tipping him off on how long he'd stayed up patrolling.

{We didn't actually go home did we?} 

"No, we're following him until he gets back safe," Wade replied to yellow box as he tailed the teen back to the tower. 

A few minutes into following Spiderman, Wilson noticed a dark figure racing after the vigilante. 

"Shouldn't his spidey senses be kicking him in the ass right now? This is just lazy writing," He rolled his eyes and matched his speed to that of the unknown figure. Wade unsheathed Bea and Arthur, aiming and throwing the katanas. "I hope you enjoy The Golden Girls because I sure do." 

"Hello?" A muted yelp had startled Peter, the high school student quickly stopped swinging and looked behind him. 

"Shhhiiiit," Wade ducked behind an air conditioner cringing slightly at the sound of bones cracking against the pavement. "Oops?" A shrill sound disturbed the relative silence around Peter. "Saved by the bell," Deadpool whispered.

"Oh crap," Parker struggled to get the phone out from his book bag fast enough, the contact firing his panic into full swing. "Hey, Mr. Rogers, how- how's it going?"

"Hey Pete, uh did you leave the tower?"

"No... Yeah, I just uh, I went for a walk."

"A walk?"

"Mh-Hm," Peter nodded to his words, his uneven voice giving away the exact amount of bullshit, he was spreading.

"Peter, you know you're not supposed to go out without telling anyone, especially at... three in the morning? Peter- Yes I'm talking to him right now, no he's fine, Tony calm down-"

"-Peter you need to get home, now," A small "Uh oh." could be heard in the background but Peter found himself focussing on the anger and worry filtering through his father's voice.

"Yeah, yeah I'm almost home, I'm hanging up now!" Peter hung up the phone and began frantically taking his suit off. 

"Woah Woah, This is a family film, Oh you're wearing clothes underneath- hey, that's terrible for the lining," Wilson shook his head taking this time to make himself known to the stressed-out teen. "You need to retake the super suit ethics class, don't worry baby boy I failed the first time too, nobody told me about the anima- Ow! Hey, that hurt!" Wade yelled after having a cell phone hit him square in the forehead.

"Deadpool- What are you doing here?" Peter griped as he shoved the suit into his backpack.

"Oh, right I was hiding before. Well, baby boy I was saving your delicious bubble butt from being unalived in a dark alley by Mr. tall dark and ugly down there," Wade pointed to the ground thirty stories below.

"What? Ugh, I can't deal with this right now, okay? I'll yell at you about this tomorrow."

"You're welcome!" Wade called out as Peter ran off in the direction of the tower. "Teens, always ungrateful. Alright, let's go investigate the hopefully dead guy, guys, whoops," Deadpool corrected himself as he peered over the edge of the building, seeing multiple casualties. 

[That's what happens when you drop a body into someone's head from thirty-six stories above them.]

"He forgot his phone," Wade casually jumped down the fire escape after picking up the device. Wade paused, tilting his head curiously as he landed on the street. "Didn't see that one coming..." He trailed off after watching the body begin bubbling and disintegrating. Popping noises could be heard from the corpse as a tar-like substance sloughed off of the once alive person. "Damnit, I thought this was the innocent timeline." The sludge moved as if animated and leaked down into a nearby storm drain. "I guess it's time to update the tags."

Meanwhile, Peter raced to the front of the tower walking in with jittering nerves and the sudden urge to flee from his father's worried madness. The young hero crept into the private elevator.

"Good morning Peter, I trust you had a safe walk?" Jarvis' smug voice emulated from the walls of the elevator.

"I don't need this kind of slander right now J," Peter huffed making snide comments about the computer from the safety of his mind. The elevator doors opened after only a few moments of quiet elevator music. The hallway was scarily empty, worrying the teen even more. "Dad? Mr. Rogers?" Parker exclaimed, walking through too still air. 

The thing about the tower is that it was always bustling, there was almost always somebody in the kitchen or common area. For the tower to be this quiet- It was unsettling. As Peter slunk into the main area he saw an anxious sight: Tony was flipping through a magazine with his feet propped up on the coffee table- The magazine was upside down. 

"Look who finally decided to join us," The older man sat the aforementioned celebrity news onto the table as he sat up.

"You know those things are just modern yellow journalism, I heard that the wedding wasn't even that great," Peter shrugged trying not to look weak. 

"So, where'd you go?" Tony asked as he stood up and walked into the kitchen, making a cup of coffee. 

"Around," Peter deflected poorly.

"See, I already know, I really wanna hear it from you. Where. Did. You go? "

"Downtown," Peter mumbled his answer looking down at his muddy shoes. 

"Downtown. What in the world were you doing downtown? Please enlighten me because unless you're involved in something you shouldn't be, I don't see a single reason for you to be downtown at three in the fucking morning, do you know how worried I was when I saw the location of your phone?"

"Well, maybe you shouldn't be tracking my every movement."

"Obviously I should! Yes, I'm angry about where you went, but I'm more angry that you couldn't tell me. Are you hiding something? I cant trust you like this Peter."

"I didn't do anything bad..." Peter froze trying to steady his breathing, his eyes burning with wet anger showing him just how much this affected him. 

"Then tell me what you were doing. Your aunt trusted me to take care of you I can't do that if you don't tell me the truth peter," Tony ran an exhausted hand through his disheveled hair. 

"I was with a friend," Peter decided partial truth was the best way to get out of the situation before tony uncovered something he wasn't supposed to. 

"I already called MJ and Ned, funny enough they both said you were over the others house," Tony raised an eyebrow.

"This is an uh... a new friend," Peter thought about Wade and his now forced friendship with the anti-hero.

"Ohhhh," Tony dropped his coffee stir nodding his head in realization.

"Ohhhh? Wh-what ohhhh? You're not mad at me anymore?" Peter asked hopefully.

"Whats her name?" Tony crossed his arms accusingly.

"Her name? uh, it's not, um..." Peter stumbled realizing what his father was thinking.

"Stop grueling the poor kid, Tony. He wasn't doing anything wrong. I think he's entitled to a few secrets, especially from you," Peter turned around seeing the owner of the bored voice, Clint and Natasha stood in the doorway to the kitchen.

"You two know about this?" Tony dropped his arms looking between his two teammates.

"Of course we knew Stark, an entire criminal organization couldn't hide weapon plans from us, what makes you think a teenager could hide his boyfriend?" Natasha rolled her eyes speaking confidently. 

"Boyfriend?" Peter and Tony exclaimed at the same time.

"You're gay?" Tony squinted his eyebrows thinking. Peter sighed, this was not the time that he wanted to talk about sexuality.

"I'm not gay, I mean... I'm Bi," Peter was confused for a second before realizing he'll have to owe the two spies a thank you, or perhaps not. Now Peter'll have to make up a whole lie about a secret boyfriend. Damnit. It was a good lie though and it held some truth.

"I wanna meet this guy."

"Tony."

"What? He lives downtown. Clearly, he's not the most respectable person. I'm just making sure Peter is acting smart about who he's dating," Tony put his arms up in defense. "I wanna know what his name is and I want his address, does he work?"

Peter was never skilled at lying, and this goes to show it. The highschooler blurted out the first name that came to mind:

"His name's Wade. He's a bit much sometimes, but he's nice! He's not bad," Peter mentally kicked himself for using Deadpool's name. "And um he-uh he works as an uh-photographer, yeah he shoots a lot of pictures downtown," Peter nodded.

"Okay fine, I won't ground you again, just- no more three AM visits okay?" Tony sighed, his exhausted brain not permitting him to see any obvious lies. Peter agreed frantically before his father let him leave the kitchen. "I swear this kid is gonna be the death of me."

Peter scurried off to his room when he opened the door the big dog tackled him with love and dog licks. "Okay boy, okay yeah yeah, c'mon let me up," He snickered slightly at the dog. Peter stood back up walking into his room. The vigilante had just begun to relax when there was a knock at his door. 

"Come in," He sighed.

"Hey kiddo, missing something?" Natasha cocked her head leaning against the doorway after tossing Peters phone into his lap. 

"What? How'd you find it? Peter scrambled to check the device for any cracks. As useless as making sure a Stark phone wasn't broken was; he did notice his lock screen and home screen were both changed. The lock screen was now a childish drawing of Spiderman and Deadpool hugging. The home screen was a picture of the rooftop where Pete last saw Wade. 

"Someone left it in a box labeled 'jailbait' on the receptionist's desk. I was going to check the camera feed, but I assumed you already knew who sent it," Natasha stated with a teasing lilt to her voice.

"Uh right," He awkwardly looked down at his phone.

"So you and Wade huh?"

"Hey, that was your lie."

"The boyfriend was my lie; Wade was yours."

"Weren't you against me being near Wade too?"

"At that time, he was doing everything he could to piss Tony off, and you were an easy way to do that. I knew he would use you."

"But?" Peter looked up at the Black Widow expectantly.

"Wade only pisses off your dad when They're both able to perceive it, so if you two happen to meet away from Tony, I do believe Wade would behave himself a bit," She nodded confidently before smiling, "Oh, right, He left his number on your phone so I got him caught up, he was ecstatic to know he gets to play pretend boyfriends with you," She winked. 

"Wait, what?" 

"Good night Peter," Natasha walked out and closed Peters door.

"Hey, no! Nat-" Ping! Peters' eyes snapped down to his phone, only to see a notification from a contact named "Wilson From Castaway" on an unknown app.

Wilson from castaway: Hey, jailbait. Sexy arachnid number one filled me in. So when's our next rooftop date?

Peter groaned out of annoyance and sent a quick text back. Wade's phone lit up reading a notification from Jailbait Arachnid

Jailbait Arachnid: Wade, this isn't a great time.

Wilson From Castaway: Oh come on I'm only teasing :'( :'( :'(

Jailbait Arachnid: Wade, why is my name Jailbait Arachnid?

Wilson From Castaway: Well, Black Widows name is set as Leather Fetish Arachnid, I needed something else with Arachnid in it.

Jailbait Arachnid: ... I hate you...

Wilson From Castaway: No you don't :)

Jailbait Arachnid: I'm starting to.

Wilson From Castaway: D:

Jailbait Arachnid: Wade how do I change my name on here?

Wilson From Castaway: Aren't you supposed to be a genius or something?

Jailbait Arachnid: I already looked through the settings. 

\-->Jailbait Arachnid changed names to Parker<\--

Parker: Wait, nevermind I found it.

Wilson From Castaway: All right let's stop texting before this turns into one of THOSE stories.

Parker: I have no idea what you're talking about but agreed, I need to sleep. 

Wilson From Castaway: Who are you the writer?

Parker: Wade

Wilson From Castaway: Sorry, sorry, I'll stop with the fourth wall breaking. OMG, I almost forgot, So you remember that guy who was chasing you that may or may not have gone splat? 

Parker: Damnit, I was hoping I could save the yelling for the next time you forced your way into my patrol...

Wilson From Castaway: You're welcome for saving your scrumptious ass, he turned to sludge! 

Parker: What? Hold on I'm calling you.

A moment later wades phone started vibrating and he sighed hitting answer. 

"So anyway, He like, melted and this weird tar stuff that reminds me of my days on the force went down one of those giant holes under the curb," Wade informed Peter as he cleaned his suit.

"That doesn't sound good," Peter sighed hoping nothing too bad was going to happen.

"The steaming ball of foreshadowing reeked of hydrochloric acid and symbiotes," Wade changed which shoulder held the device grumbling about needing to restitch his suit.

"Okay, uh we can start planning tomorrow?" 

"I'll be around," Deadpool nodded.


End file.
